Paul Rudd, Jack Black in the action comedy Toothless

“The snake is a metaphor for the monsters that come upon us all if our dreams do not come true,” explains a character towards the end of Anaconda (2025) about his new film, The Anacondaa low budget version from 1997 Anaconda.

This, we are supposed to understand, is complete bullshit. Nor is his project about heartbreak, revenge, intergenerational trauma, or any of the other majuscule themes that its writer-director, Doug (Jack Black), dreams of in a play crowning him as “the white Jordan Peele.” The Anaconda doesn’t really concern anything, just like Anaconda (2025) is really not about anything, and Anaconda (1997) wasn’t really either.

Which is absolutely correct, in theory – one of the reasonable arguments made in this paper Anaconda is that it can be enough for a film to simply be entertaining, as the original was. But it’s a lesson that would flow more convincingly from a movie that’s fun enough to be satisfying, rather than one so meaningless that you start wishing for something, anything, to sink your teeth into.

The principle, designed by The unbearable weight of massive talents co-writers Tom Gormican and Kevin Etten and directed, like this meta Nic Cage vehicle, by Gormican, is smart on paper. Doug is a former aspiring filmmaker now living a “B, maybe B+ life” as a wedding videographer in Buffalo, New York, when his lifelong best friend, Griff (Paul Rudd), offers him an offer he can’t refuse. What if they tried to put together a remake (or a reboot, or a reimagining, or a spiritual sequel – the stupidity of Hollywood marketing terms is one of the running gags) of their favorite childhood thriller, Anaconda?

It doesn’t matter that Doug’s scenario for The Anaconda doesn’t seem to bear much resemblance to the original, or that what we see of struggling actor Griff’s work suggests no great undiscovered talent, or that their other friends and co-conspirators, Claire (Thandiwe Newton) and Kenny (Steve Zahn), have even less movie-making experience than they do. The goal is for the gang to recapture the joy they felt as teenagers filming things like The Quatchan R-rated school project inspired by both Martin Scorsese and creature features.

So, armed with nothing more than a camera, a dream, and the dubiously helpful help of an eccentric snake handler named Santiago (Selton Mello) and a mysterious boat captain named Ana (Daniela Melchior), they set off on a three-week shoot in the Brazilian Amazon.

You can guess the huge problems they encounter once there, although unlike the thriller it is half-heartedly aping, this Anaconda avoids horror almost entirely. Although the snake is larger this time, one character compares it to something out of Jurassic Park – it’s much less threatening, good for a few scares but not much else. Most of his killings are carried out very quickly and under the cover of shadows more indulgent with lackluster CG budgets, and it doesn’t add up to anything as terribly grotesque as, say, the sight of Voight’s partially digested face winking at Jennifer Lopez.

Instead, the film leans toward action comedy and, for a while, settles for the pre-sold likability of its cast. Rudd is amusing in a slightly pathetic way as an actor who isn’t successful enough to be enough (his biggest role to date is a four-episode guest spot on CBS’ CRUSH) but isn’t above pretensions like biting on a toothpick to “unblock” his character. Doug’s arc might recall Black’s more interesting work in Be kind, rewind Or Jumanji: Welcome to the Junglebut the memory of these roles is enough to make you embrace this version of the guy as well. Newton is an underused but enjoyable play, and Zahn emerges as a surprise scene stealer.

It’s pretty easy to laugh with this quartet as they trade Jon Voight impressions around a restaurant booth or butt heads at each other over dinner, and then want them to survive once the monsters come out. I laughed here and there, gasped at least once, and overall had a great time. But I also began to wonder, as the minutes passed, whether a film with such an intrusive concept and such a charming cast shouldn’t be more than “okay.”

Anaconda You can’t accuse him of skimping on the excitement when the characters spend half the film running through the jungle by car, on foot or by boat. But the weightless, unimaginative action feels less cinematic than theme park action, as if the powers that be at Sony have taken several steps forward in their efforts to turn this into a giant, global franchise.

He tries harder on the comedy side and succeeds a little more often – especially when dealing with Zahn’s Kenny, a mild-mannered loser who claims to be “Buffalo sober”, which means “just beer and wine and some of the lighter liquors”. But the shaggy pace doesn’t favor jokes that are only amusing at first, like a long bit about shy Kenny having trouble urinating on Doug in a misguided attempt to save him from spider venom.

Meanwhile, its seemingly comforting elements are undone by their vagueness. Doug, Griff, Claire, and Kenny themselves are drawn with such quick, broad strokes that they barely resemble people, and despite their professed love for Luis Llosa’s character. Anacondanever seem to have much to say about it, beyond vague remarks about how cool it was. While the new film dutifully answers the callbacks you’d expect, including a cameo that had my audience cheering, you never understand why these friends tuned in to This property more than any other.

It’s enough to make me wish I’d seen Doug’s The Anaconda instead. Of course, his “indie-style” project seems to feature an absurd plot, amateurish acting, and extremely questionable action. But at least it would be a labor of love. Gormican Anaconda is just a big-budget IP expansion trying to pretend it’s something softer and more disjointed than it is. You don’t need to fall prey to his pretensions.