Alan Ritchson in video action comedy Dismal Prime

The new Amazon Prime action comedy includes a director and a screenwriter in its credits. But the real creative contributions to the film come from the casting director and music supervisor.

After all, someone had to cast two actors as physically disparate as Alan Ritchson and Kevin James, the most unlikely screen duo since Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito. And someone else had to fill the required role of stitching together vintage pop hits to accompany the action sequences. Car chase? DeBarge’s “Rhythm of the Night.” Fight sequence? KC and the Sunshine Band’s “Boogie Shoes”. An even bigger fight sequence? “Give It Up” by the same band. Reading date is not a film. It’s a collection of clichés in search of one.

What’s even worse is that the clichés are so corny. There are gags referring Reservoir dogs, Thelma and Louise and the original Jurassic Park. It’s starting to feel like Neil Goldman’s script has been sitting in a trunk since the mid-90s.

Unfortunately, director Luke Greenfield dug it up. And considering his filmography includes The Animal, The girl next door, Let’s be copsAnd Half-brothershe must have seemed perfectly suited for the job.

The plot, sigh, revolves around Brian (James), a newly unemployed forensic accountant now relegated to the role of stay-at-home dad to his young stepson Lucas (Benjamin Pajak) so that his wife can return to the workforce. She is played by Sarah Chalke (Scrubs), continuing the venerable sitcom tradition of wives completely outclassing their husbands.

Brian, who worries that Lucas likes modern dance more than sports, takes him to the park so they can throw a ball. Needless to say, it doesn’t go well, especially compared to Jeff (Ritchson) and his kid CJ (Banks Pierce), who throw footballs at each other at the speed of cruise missiles.

Jeff, who exudes puppy-dog cuteness, suggests, you guessed it, a play date, which begins at a Chuck E. Cheese-style restaurant. And wouldn’t you know it, things take a turn for the worse when it turns out that Jeff is being pursued by ruthless assassins. Point out the potential In-laws comic hysteria as the hapless Brian finds himself caught in a violent whirlwind in which it is eventually revealed that Jeff had saved CJ, who appears to have extraordinary abilities, from a government…

No, no spoilers here, although they’re hardly necessary since the labyrinthine plot turns out to be so absurd that most viewers watching on Amazon Prime won’t bother following the plot by folding their clothes or examining their finances. Fortunately, Reading date turns out to be so mediocre in all respects that no one distracts attention from his tasks. Some people’s checkbooks will be balanced for the first time in years.

A group of talented artists were inexplicably drafted into the business, including Isla Fisher, acting fiercely as the leader of a “Mama Mafia”; Stephen Root, finally proving that his ability to make anything funny has a limit; and Alan Tudyk as a villain who suffers the indignity of getting shot in the ass. Also present is the talented Paul Walter Hauser, who is uncredited. Perhaps because of the running gag in which his character is constantly compared to Zach Galifianakis.

James can be amusing in his own way, but he mostly seems embarrassed, and not just because he’s standing next to Ritchson, whose massive, muscular body is practically a special effect in itself. But like many macho men before him, the Reach The star shows that his comedic skills rival his action hero credentials. His deadpan comedic performance is the only thing keeping the film afloat.

Most mediocre comedies feature one of two things over the end credits: clips that invariably turn out to be funnier than anything we’ve ever seen, or a clip where the stars try to sing and dance. As if to prove that we cannot surpass him in evil, Reading date has both.