Why I won’t go gray – at least not for a while

It wasn’t long ago that women were shamed for getting older – told they looked “old” if they dared to embrace their gray hair. In fact, I never saw the women in my own family get into it until they were 70 or 80 years old. My Abuela Celeste didn’t start wearing her gray hair until she was 70, after my grandfather passed away. Before this, she always sported these gorgeous red tones that looked stunning against her olive skin. My mother didn’t really start aging until she was 50, and even now, at 66, she’s still not quite ready to take the plunge and go completely gray.

In recent years, however, we’ve seen a growing movement of women – including celebrities – proudly stating that they refuse to cover up their gray hair. And while I admire him deeply and find him beautiful in many ways, I’m not ready to join that train anytime soon. I’m 39 years old and it’s only in the last few years that I’ve started to notice a gray hair or two growing. But this year – and I blame the stress brought on by 2025 – I started spotting a few more around my crown. And honestly? I’m just not ready to adopt them yet.

As someone who only touches up my highlights once or twice a year, the thought of possibly having to touch up my roots regularly — even though I know I still have a few years before it becomes necessary — immediately started to stress me out. To be honest, I just don’t see myself embracing gray hair until I’m in my 60s or 70s. Like my Abuela, my mother, and all my tías, my relationship with beauty and vanity has always been directly linked to a sense of power. The women in my family – especially those of my mother and my Abuela’s generation – have endured a lot. Not only in their personal lives, but also to carve out a place for themselves in a country that constantly told them that they were not enough.

My mother came to Corona, Queens from the Dominican Republic when she was 13 years old. Assimilating to a new country while learning a new language and culture was not easy. But one thing my Abuela made sure of, as a new immigrant raising four young children, including my mother, was that she would always feel good about herself and hold her head high every time she left the house. My grandmother presented herself everywhere as polite. It didn’t matter whether she was on her way to work or just heading to the local bodega: she carried herself with style and elegance. She still does it today at 97 years old.

In many ways, it was a survival skill passed down from women before her, and one that her three daughters would continue to adopt. Although everyone in my family has their own relationship with vanity — some more intense than others — one thing I’ve always taken away is that when I look good, I feel good. My aura changes when I like what I see in the mirror, and honestly, it does most of the time. Not because I don’t have flaws, but because I have learned to appreciate all of myself – a confidence rooted in my dedication to taking care of myself.

The truth is that 2025 has been a difficult and scary year for many of us. One of the few things that has always brought me joy – and helped me maintain my confidence in these unpredictable times – is making sure that every time I leave the house, I like what I see in the mirror. I may not go out with a full face of makeup like my Abuela often did, but I always make sure my skin is moisturized, my nails are groomed, I feel good in what I’m wearing, and my hair is polished to my standards. These days, that also means being proactive about how I deal with my gray hairs as they start to arrive.

As I mentioned before, I don’t have enough gray yet to warrant regular root touch-up appointments with my colorist. But they’ve become noticeable enough that I sometimes find myself picking a few before heading out. This is what sent me down a rabbit hole: researching the real causes of gray hair and exploring natural ways to slow the process.

I started searching TikTok and quickly came across countless videos of influencers bragging about reversing their gray hairs with Mary Ruth’s Gray Guard Liposomal. While there’s no concrete evidence that liposomal supplements can actually reverse gray hair, some studies suggest they might help slow or support the process by improving the absorption of ingredients like copper and B vitamins.

It’s only been about three weeks since I added the supplement to my routine and so far I haven’t noticed any changes. Still, I’m giving it a try: Most influencers I’ve seen on TikTok said they didn’t notice results until at least a month later. I’m also pretty convinced that my new grays are stress-induced, so I’ve been focusing on managing my stress, getting enough sleep, and exercising daily to hopefully prevent even more from appearing.

I believe the relationship with vanity is deeply personal. For me, it was never exhausting or exhausting. I’m not a big makeup artist and most of my approach to beauty is pretty natural, with the exception of my acrylic gel nails and highlights. I don’t talk about my gray hair because I feel obligated to fit the social mold of what a woman in her thirties should look like. Presenting myself in a way that feels true to who I am – at least right now – is its own form of resistance for me. I choose to take care of myself, love myself, and make sure I feel like a bad guy every day in a world that profits from the fact that I hate who I am as a brown-skinned Latina woman in her thirties. It’s my armor. It’s my superpower. Because no matter what obstacles come my way, I choose to love myself through them.

Johanna Ferreira is the content director of PS Juntos. With over 10 years of experience, Johanna focuses on how intersectional identities are a central part of Latina culture. Previously, she spent nearly three years as an assistant editor at HipLatina and freelanced for numerous media outlets, including Refinery29, Oprah Magazine, Allure, InStyle, and Well+Good. She has also moderated and spoken on numerous panels on Latinx identity.