How to know when your child is not well

Children’s emotional pain is not always obvious. Sometimes it looks like, “I’m fine,” even in children who are too young to explain how they feel. Dr. Byron McClure, Chief Innovation Officer at 7 Mindsets, offers clear advice on how to stay present, ask direct questions, and recognize when a child may need more support. He explains what parents often miss and how to act before distress turns into a crisis.

How to spot signs of mental distress in your children before they start to get worse.

BHM: How can parents stay present when a child insists everything is okay?

Dr. McClure: Stay close without pushing. You might say, “I hear you say you’re okay. I’ll be here if you want to talk.” This constant presence, even without words, can be more eloquent than questions. This shows your child that they are not alone, even if they are not ready to open up.

BHM: What does emotional pain look like when it is masked by silence or calm?

Dr. McClure: It can look like you’re doing everything right on the outside while still failing on the inside. Some children learn to hide their distress to avoid being judged or to protect themselves. Watch for subtle changes such as less eye contact, irritability, moving away from friends, or a sort of quietness that seems rehearsed. These changes often mean it’s time to save them and connect them to media.

BHM: How can parents know when stress becomes something deeper?

Dr. McClure: Stress comes and goes. Deeper pain persists and begins to disrupt daily life. If you notice significant changes in sleep, appetite, mood, or interest, or hear of despair, don’t wait. These are warning signs. Act quickly and get help on site.

Tips for having conversations about suicidal thoughts, saying they’re okay when they’re not, and finding support systems

BHM: How can parents carefully ask about suicidal thoughts?

Dr. McClure: Be clear and speak carefully. You might say, “Sometimes kids feel overwhelmed and think they don’t want to be here. Has this ever happened to you? Asking directly doesn’t plant the idea. This opens the door to honesty and shows your child that you are strong enough to hear the truth and willing to help them.

BHM: If a child insists that he is fine, how can parents keep the door open without pushing him away?

Dr. McClure: Respect what they say, but keep the space open. You can respond, “Okay, I’ll respect that. Just know that you don’t have to go through this alone. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” This balance of space and support builds confidence and lets your child know you’re not going anywhere.

BHM: What support systems outside of therapy can parents rely on?

Dr. McClure: Look for trusted anchors, mentors, coaches, religious leaders, extended family, and community groups. These adults can give your child another safe place to turn. Parents do not have to carry everything alone. Building a circle of care makes a real difference.

How distress manifests in young children versus adolescents, and how we can better support our young people in the future.

BHM: How do signs of distress differ between young children and adolescents?

Dr. McClure: Young children often show distress through behaviors, such as acting out, regressing, or clinging. Adolescents may withdraw, isolate themselves or take risks. Younger children need comfort and stability. Adolescents need space and respect for their independence, as well as constant check-in and presence from their parents.

BHM: What gives you hope about supporting the mental health of Black youth?

Dr. McClure: I see more and more families and schools talking about mental health early on, without waiting for a crisis. This gives me hope. Parents should stick to the truth that early help works. Building mental health through strength, routines, and safe relationships is just as important as preventing disease.

BHM: What would you change about the way we care for the mental health of Black children?

Dr. McClure: I would rewrite systems that focus on deficits first. Care must begin with strengths and proactive support, not just reactions when problems arise. Every parent should know that their child is not a problem to be solved. She’s a whole person with gifts, and early support makes those gifts shine.

Resources:

Dr. Byron McClure – 7 Mindsets