No one with MS expects their friends to be perfect when it comes to saying the right thing. But it may be useful to be aware of certain DOs and general cases.
Be curious
It is difficult to be mistaken in asking questions, provided that you did not push if your friend is clearly no mood to speak. But sometimes it is more important to listen to rather than speak.
“Be right there. Listen to the person at any time that they want to open, ”explains Render-Kaplan.
Be empathetic
Vasing what you hear and sharing that you understand can go very far when you talk to a friend with MS.
Restart-Kaplan says that in the past, she has always been an outgoing person, but that she has become less after her MS. She says she needs friends to recognize her for whom she is, not who she was.
“Try not continuously reminding the newly diagnosed person how fun we were, or how active we were, or how much we did. Please try not to compare our current capacities to whom we were all the time that you know each other,” says Renderle-Kaplan.
“Understand that everything we thought of our plan for our lives came out through the window and that it is incredibly overcome and depressing, and there is no calendar to help newly diagnosed people, when or if they can ever accept their new standard,” she adds.
Do not use MS to do the conversation
If you are not a close friend, you can think twice before raising MS with casualness. “Do not aim to make ways like:” Oh, I heard that you have SPs. How is it going? “,” Said Washington. “This generally leads to many questions in terms of surface, which is not best for people with MS. Since we live with it, our minds generally do not think of things in terms of surface.”
With his close friends, says Washington, he appreciates when they ask specific questions that give him space to disclose the ups and downs with the MS. “It is not only:” How are you? ” It is: “How are your symptoms?” Or: “I remember that you said that your vision did not manage so well the last time. The more you can get with your questions, the better,” explains Washington.
Do not brush your own fears
You can be thrown for a loop if someone close to you receives a diagnosis of MS. Paul Hokemeyer, PHD, Clinical Boursier at the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and a graduate of the Global Leaders in Healthcare Program at the Boston Harvard Medical School, says that the recognition of your own feelings around diagnosis can help you support you more emotionally.
“We cannot be useful to the patient if we are not on the ground in ourselves and our fears,” he says. He encourages to speak with people you trust, such as a therapist, or even a journalization. “Once we have obtained a certain stability around our own fears, we are then anchored enough to help the patient,” he said.
“Provide the patient with the same gift you have given yourself: a safe space and contained to treat the harbor of the emotions he lives,” he said.
Avoid comparisons
Likewise, avoid comparing them to other people with SEP. Having to speak of the serious handicap or the complications of someone else can be frightening, while hearing what someone else could strengthen the feeling that life is unfair – even if someone else is your favorite celebrity with MS.
“It is not because your aunt with MS has led a full life at 80 and has danced and traveled, it does not mean that we can or that we want, and compare us will always feel defeated,” explains Render-Kaplan.
Keep toxic positivity at a distance
Your friend has already “counted their blessings” and perhaps counted again, so he does not need this reminder to be positive or grateful. It can quickly become a toxic positivity.
Sometimes it is comforting to remind you of what you have to be grateful, but when it comes to a friend with MS, just tell them how blessed you feel in your life.
Also abandon to offer false insurance. “Do not feel the need to tell your friend that everything will be fine or maybe doctors were wrong. Just hold space so that they share the fragility of their human, ”explains Dr. Hokemeyer.
