What not to say when providing support to a person with lung cancer

It can be difficult to find the right words when someone you know and you like telling you that it has been diagnosed with lung cancer. This is particularly true with this disease, since it is often, but not always, associated with lifestyle factors – in particular smoking.

Taylor Duck, a former football player who was diagnosed with lung cancer 14 years ago, when she was only 21, says she heard them all.

“There is an immediate blame and shame, instead of care and compassion that all other cancer survivors receive when they share their diagnosis,” said Duck.

Here’s what Duck tells you should not Tell someone with lung cancer.

1. “Do you smoke?”

“When someone asks me after I told him that I am a survivor of lung cancer, my answer is always:” Why do you ask? “I’m sure it’s shocking for them when I answer this way, but it’s my goal. I want to stop them on their traces to make them realize how insensitive this question is, so that they will never ask [it] Once again to anyone.

2. “How did you get it?”

Sometimes, after someone asked Duck if she smoked and she said no, they asked her how she had lung cancer. Like remarks of smoking, this question suggests that the person has done something to make cancer. “It always blows me,” explains Duck, “because no one asks a survivor of breast cancer how they got their breast cancer.” There are many risk factors for lung cancer that cannot be checked, such as family history or exposure to secondary smoke, radon or air pollution.

3. “I knew someone who died of lung cancer.”

A negative result suffered by a person with lung cancer is not what a newly diagnosed person – or even a survivor – wants or must hear. “The intention is generally to try to make a link, but people sharing friends and the family they knew who died of the disease does not help to establish a link. It scares people, ”says Duck.

4. “My _____ had lung cancer.”

An overly optimistic vision of someone else’s lung cancer experience can also turn against them. “Even if your account has a happy ending, the person could make comparisons and wonder why he does not live the same results,” explains Duck.

5. ‘I heard about a natural remedy.’

“Keep all medical advice to yourself, unless you have credible information and knowledge that can help the patient prosper,” says Duck.

What Should Do you say to someone who has lung cancer?

Often nothing. Listening simply is a neglected response and many patients are looking for, Duck explains. You don’t have to give advice, criticize or repair things, duck notes. The simple fact of being present and listening can be a powerful form of support.

Here are some comments that people may want to hear.

1. “I’m sorry you’re going through it.”

A sincere declaration of empathy is always welcome, even if it is brief.

2. “How do you feel?” Or “How is it going today?”

Open questions like these offer the person the opportunity to speak if they want – and for you to listen to.

3. “Can I help you with ______?”

If you want to help with household chores or daily tasks, be precise on your offer. Instead of saying: “Let me know if you need something”, which places them on the request to ask or find an idea, try something like: “Can I come on Thursday and bring you grocery products?”

4. “I don’t know what to say.”

This is normal to be honest if you are short of words. Your candor and sincerity will most likely be refreshing, and a shared moment of silence could be exactly what your friend or your loved one needs.

The point to take away

• People with lung cancer face stigma and prejudice due to the association of disease with smoking.
• There are many risk factors for lung cancer, most of which cannot be checked.
• Comparisons between people with lung cancer or the supply of unsolicited medical advice should be avoided.
• Take aims to listen to your beloved and offer to help them with specific tasks to help reduce their burden.