Trump signs executive orders defending Bill Belichick, Chris Columbus and JK Rowling
President Trump (James Austin Johnson) celebrated the first 100 days of his second mandate at the cold opening of “Saturday Night Live” this week by signing a new series of decrees to support Columbus Day, Bill Belichik and the author of “Harry Potter” JK Rowling.
The president was joined by the deputy chief of staff of the White House and “Lord of the Shadows” Stephen Miller (Mikey Day), whose remark that it was “an absolute pleasure” to be in the oval office with him prompted Johnson to joke, “wow! Even the beautiful things you say look like Kylo Ren! ” Trump then announced that he would bring COLUMBUS Day of ashes in support of the Americans of beloved Italians like Tony Soprano and Childish Gambino.
After having introduced another decree which “would reduce the number of interracial couples in television advertisements”, Day’s Miller then presented a document which “will make things socially acceptable for a man in the 70s to go out with a young age of 24”. “It’s true! We call it Belichick’s law,” said Trump of Johnson. “We are going to make the friends again, ok?” Old men can now go out with much younger women. We like it! It’s hot! But upside down, it’s quite disgusting, right? Very “dateline”, do you know? “
You can watch the cold open cold below.
After a brief discussion on Belichik’s girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, Trump then signed a forgiveness for Rowling, who has become an increasingly controversial figure in recent years for his anti-trans opinions. “Jackie Rowling! We love Jackie. She has created an entire wizarding world, a wonderful place for overweight millennials to put their whole identity beyond being cute,” said Trump of Johnson. “” I’m a plug! “No, b – h.
The Day’s Miller and the Johnson Trump dragged the Secretary of State Marco Rubio (Marcello Hernández) to reluctantly co-sproner another decree which would strangely prohibit “all Hispanic babies from being pierced with their ears”. Rubio de Hernández clearly indicated that the bill in question was not His idea, but that did not prevent Johnson’s Trump from quickly going to more dedicated orders to make the game of New York Times connections easier and to prohibit … Ghosts.
“We are fed up with ghosts,” said Trump of Johnson. “We don’t like them. You know, every Christmas Eve that I am visited by three ghosts. I don’t know what they are talking about. They are like,” Sir, you have to change. You have done bad things and you have to change “and I say to myself:” Stop vibrating these chains, ok? I try to enjoy my dark and lonely the day before Christmas! “” “
