One of the best ‘bad’ holiday movies of all time is streaming for free on Tubi

Everyone has their usual brand of holiday favorites to watch during the Christmas period, but going against the grain of the classics can sometimes be even more fun. I’m as likely to languish in the cold fear of “Blast of Silence” or get blitzed by “Adult Swim Yule Log” as much as I am to cry with “It’s a Wonderful Life.” But then there are strange cult oddities on the fringes of Tubi, like Nicholas Webster’s “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians,” a strange children’s holiday comedy that somehow has to be seen to be believed. The 1964 film has widely been ranked among the worst films ever made, with generations of viewers learning of its existence from “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” Some even learned about it recently thanks to a joke in the “Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special.” I don’t think the film is so bad as its reputation suggests, but we’ll get to that later.

“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is all over the place in terms of plot, but the gist is that the children of Mars, Bomar (Chris Month) and Girmar (a very young Pia Zadora), feel discouraged when watching TV shows from Earth. On Mars, information comes directly to their brains via machines and computers, leaving little room for autonomy and free thought. Santa Claus (John Call) is like an enigma to them. However, in an effort to snap them out of their funk, Kimar (Leonard Hicks) – hilariously short for King Martian, assembles a team to kidnap Jolly Old Saint Nick so he can make toys for his children.

What follows is an incredibly zany holiday sci-fi movie that’s far too charming to write off entirely.

I’m not about to claim “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” as some sort of secret masterpiece. This is a very low-budget children’s film, with flimsy sets, questionable performances, and a very vague story that seems to stretch over 81 minutes. But I find many of its imperfections strangely charming. It looks great on Tubi, but I really appreciated its craziness after seeing the remastered Blu-ray from AFGA. This is the only version of the film whose intermission is accompanied by a PSA from Gene Hackman about buying Christmas seals to prevent tuberculosis. “Santa Conquers the Martians” features plenty of laughs, whether it’s the Martian parents using sleeping pill spray on the kids, the misspelling of “Custume Designer” in the opening credits, or Mrs. Claus (Doris Rich) having an incredible reaction to learning she’s on TV. There’s also a cute joke where the Martians are having trouble locating the real Santa Claus because of all the copycats around the world.

It’s an incredibly silly holiday kitsch play featuring a group of actors taking their roles seriously, especially when Kimar (Leonard Hicks) talks to Chochem (Carl Don), the 800-year-old sage of Mars who basically tells him that Mars kind of sucks. Not to mention that the sets, as dilapidated as they are, are lit more creatively with color and shadow than many contemporary films with gargantuan budgets. It’s quite embarrassing. If you don’t like cult sensations like me, then I can see “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” testing your patience, especially with aggressively childish comic book characters like Dropo (Bill McClutcheon) falling apart all over the place. But if there’s one reason to give this movie a try, it’s Santa Claus.

At the center of “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is Broadway performer John Call as the man himself. I’d have a hard time placing him above the greats like Edmund Gwenn (“Miracle on 34th Street”) and Ed Asner (“Elf”) and even David Harbor (“Violent Night”), but Call is pretty great in the role. He is such a charming presence who exudes all the warmth, kindness and humor you expect from Santa. When the Martians besiege his workshop, Call’s Santa is more amused than anything else. He’s almost never upset, except at the thought of not being able to deliver toys on Christmas Eve. The funny thing about the title is that Santa Claus technically conquers no Martians, but embraces them. The main antagonist of the film is Voldar (Vincent Beck), Kimar’s right-hand man, who doesn’t believe in this Christmas crap and thinks that things should go back to the way they are.

Despite being kidnapped by alien beings into servitude, Santa takes everything in stride. He immediately gets to work, hoping to bring Christmas cheer to the children of Mars. I also have a real soft spot for the catchy song “Hooray for Santa” that ends the film. It’s cut off, and I won’t hear it any other way. Say what you will about its cheap production value and cheesy effects, but “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is the kind of saccharine Christmas irregularity that could only have existed in the early ’60s. I’d prefer colorful sincerity to sterile AI slop any day. Hooray for Santa, indeed.

“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is currently streaming on Tubi. Make sure you opt for the version that lasts 81 minutes.