My best taste for regret occurred when I was only 16 years old. I was a junior in high school and I feel completely overwhelmed by things I had no control. This feeling came directly from life in a family that is unleashed in seams, but I was too young to understand what was going on. My emotions were well packed, so I grabbed the things I did Understand, and what I understood more than anything else was swimming.
I had been a competitive swimmer for almost all my childhood. I had pushed my path near the top of my high school team, but I was afraid of being there. I will never know if I was afraid of failing, for fear of being good or both. It didn’t matter. I was not willing to live up to my full potential, and the worst was that I knew it.
As I reached my third season of swimming in the school, I was tired. I was tired of walking in the same place, but above all, I was tired of the lack of effort I made in the thing I loved. I couldn’t trust myself enough to try to be my best me, because there was no comfort in there. I wore a big burden because of my lack of self -esteem, but I would not really know it until much, much later – when I couldn’t do anything about it.
I passed the entire first year student and my second year high school student working tirelessly to relax my place in the track with the fastest swimmers. I had glasses problems. I had shoulder problems. There were even times when I prayed quietly that I break my leg, so I no longer had to go and train.
But it was not swimming, practices or even the race or the other girls who was the problem. It was me.
However, as most things are going, once I finally did this, it was too late.
In the middle of my junior season, I went to a school dance with a few other swimming friends (those who aspired to direct the way) and my boyfriend at the time. I was wearing a satin dress in Perwlanche above the knee with a velvet bodice and a matching cropped coat. I pushed the fabrics in the toes of my leather shoes patent tj maxx clearance rack because I had bought them too large. The night was supposed to be perfect.
But in the time it takes to sneeze, everything has changed.
