After landing in London Stansted, London, me and the family had an easy route with our small security details of 12 cars in David Lammy’s cabin in Kent, England. Big Dave was there to greet us.
“Welcome to Cheventing, JD,” he said.
“Delighted to see you again,” I replied.
“Let me show you, Usha and the children around.”
I must say that I found the place a little small and dull, but I kept my thoughts for me. I was not there to upset anyone.
“What is this part?” I asked.
Big Dave looked empty.
One of his advisers participated. “It’s the room,” she said.
“That’s all,” resolved Dave. “It’s the room”.
“Well,” I said. Maybe the bed was a clue. Nothing exceeds comics.
After a short rest, we all went downstairs. BD suggested that we are going to the private chapel.
“Suitable,” I said. “Let’s go to a power of half an hour. Although better accepts the prayer agenda. I don’t want to confuse the all-powerful. Ok. Are you ready? One, two, three, pray.
The next day started with a short walk in the garden, followed by high -level discussions.
“Let’s start with Gaza,” said Big Dave.
“Very good by me. You go first. “
“Well, the situation is appalling. What will we do about it? “
“No idea. The Donald wants to transform it into a Mediterranean seaside resort.”
“Maybe later. And if we both said how dismayed we are and we will have more discussions about it soon? ”
“It works for me,” I said. “Let’s go to Ukraine. It would be good if this Zelenskyy guy was a little more grateful for everything we have done for him.”
“MMM. I’m not sure it’s the best place to start. Could we agree that the war was terrible and that President Putin needs to accept a cease-fire? ”
“I will have to check this with the president.”
“Of course,” hosted Big Dave’s head vigorously. “So that’s all. All sorted. Where would the world be without us. And a fishing location on the lake? ”
It was a higher morning. The poor old Dave stood right there, undoubtedly holding his stem while the children wrapped fish after the fish.
“What am I doing wrong?” He groaned.
I did not have the heart to tell him that I had already organized with the Frogmen to attach a whole fish load to the hooks of my children. You don’t want to go and disappoint the little ones.
It was just time for a last competitive prayer cycle, then it was time to move on.
“It was good to see you again, comics.”
“And you, jd.
A few hours later, after a short visit to the picturesque Hampton Court Resort and Spa next to the Thames – the children managed to get lost in the labyrinth – and our procession pulled in our little picturesque manor in the village of Dean in the heart of the historic mountains of Cotswold. There to greet us was our guide for the week. A rather frightening and needy guy called George Osborne.
Ozzy is a strange man. Continued to say how he was Chancellor of the chessboard and I would like to come to his podcast. Said it was him and David Cameron who was responsible for austerity.
“Call me Mega,” he ricked nervously. “Rendering England again.”
I guess it is just lucky these days. Nothing better to do than to talk about how he was someone and to repair the tailor -made holidays for the rich and the famous like me. However, I didn’t want to kick a man when he was down. It was therefore preferable to humor. After all, he organized the rental.
“I organized a small reception of drinks,” he said. “Just a few conservative politicians who wish to see you.”
Personally, I couldn’t think of anything worse. Waiting time with a whole water load that would be out of power in the predictable future. But the needs must. I do the work of God.
Later in the evening, I found myself trapped by a guy called Robert Jenrick, who insisted that he was the real leader of the Conservative Party.
“Don’t you hate foreigners?” He said. “I would not want my daughters to be surrounded by bearded guys of lower crops who appear here without an invitation. No current company except. No offense. “
“No take.”
I woke up the next morning and I lit the radio to British distribution communism. How do the Limeys face the socialists who take control of their waves? Just an endless white noise to take care of foreigners. What is the problem with a little recreational xenophobia? My irritation was interrupted by my ringing phone. A woman called Kemi something.
“I am the leader of the Conservative Party,” she pleaded.
“What?”
“I”, the leader of the Conservative Party. Can we meet?”
“Sorry. Bé way. I left for the Daylesford farm store. You can’t get a decent monterey jack cheese here. ”
Click.
At that time, a police officer arrived. I was surprised to fish without license. I could have been responsible for a fine of £ 2,500. But he said he let me go this time. This is the last time that I trust Big Dave to organize an expedition for me. While the police car walked away, I saw a crowd of women waving photos of me on signs. It was nice to be wanted. The British made me feel so welcome. Ozzy told me that they sang: “We love you, JD Vance / Our Lives you have improved.”
It left time for a late breakfast with Nigel Farage. There is a guy you don’t want to get closer too early in the morning. His breath came in cigarettes and alcohol. He seemed surprised to have come to the most dangerous country on the planet for my vacation. I suggested that we start with a 45 -minute quick prayer session to search for the advice of God on the gathering of foreigners and expel them.
It was almost time to leave for Scotland. Just check with the president before meeting with Vladimir Putin.
“How is things going, Mr. President?” I asked.
“Everything here, JD. All wrapped and ready for the trip to Russia. “
“Don’t you want to say Alaska?”
“That’s what I said. Russia is Alaska.”
“Are you sure?”
“Try to follow. There is a Nobel Peace Prize to win.”
What could go wrong?
