My sister never shows up – Chicago Tribune

Dear Eric: My cousin recently died after a long hospitalization. We were very close. I sent a sympathy card with money to the family, but the money was returned. I have never heard of this in my life. What do you think?

I have spoken to other family members and their money has not been returned. I sent a lot of cards with money in them. We have a big family. I have never received any money before this.

Can you advise me on this? I have difficulty understanding this. Am I wrong to question this action?

– Returned gift

Dear gift: I’ve heard of people who, immediately after the death of a loved one, find themselves inundated with pots and pans. Pyrex as far as the eye can see. A kindness that sometimes pushes the limits of their appetites and their freezers. I wonder if something similar happened with your kindness. Perhaps the sentiment was appreciated, but the family found that they had received enough money to cover expenses and wished you could spend your money elsewhere.

Now this is just conjecture. It would have been wise of them to send a note. “Thank you so much. We have more than we need, and your love, so we return your kind gift with that same love.” Something like that.

Since no rating was provided, you can ask. Consider it a curiosity, as it seems to be. “I was surprised to receive the money I sent back. I’m not insulted, but I was wondering why. Can you help me understand?”

Dear Eric: I am seeking advice about one of my sisters, the fourth of five children. Four years ago, my husband of 35 years died suddenly – he was missing eight hours after arriving at the emergency room. It was traumatic for me. My large family of brothers and sisters have arrived.

At that point, the sister in question called and said she couldn’t come because her daughter was having her third child, but that she would come in about a month. Time passed and no visits.

Three months later, my house burned down. Again the phone call, with the promise to come see me; this never happened.

It has now been almost four years without any communication from him. During this time, she and her husband traveled the world extensively with their children and friends.

I think part of the problem is that she has always been envious of me and my life. She married into money and never worked a day in her life; For me, I worked very hard, started my business and built my own wealth through hard work and wise investments.

She talks to people (especially waiters) and is difficult to be around; clearly, she thinks she’s better than everyone.

Should I contact me, should I tell her how horrible she is? Or should I just not answer the phone? I don’t miss her in my life, but I know I’ll have to deal with it eventually, but how?

– Tired of neglect

Dear Tired: Let the call go to voicemail.

She didn’t show up for you when needed. You too, from what you’ve said, you don’t really like him. I don’t see what it’s going to do to hash it over the phone.

Sometimes a relationship exists in name only. Sometimes we realize that people have saved us the trouble of removing them from our lives because of their own inability to show up.

This may seem crazy; I don’t want that to be the case. If you wanted to reconcile or improve your relationship with your sister, I would offer you different advice. But the conversation you’re considering would only add stress. I don’t see how this would help either of you.

Dear Eric: You always give good advice and I learned a lot from reading your column. I would like to offer an additional suggestion to “Our Last Reunion,” who gets together with his siblings at Thanksgiving and doesn’t want to spend time dwelling on resentments and complaints about his parents.

When I get together with my siblings, this also happens quite often. I have found that having a safe word or phrase that the whole group knows helps a lot. When one of us realizes the conversation has gone in the wrong direction, we say the safe word. Everyone stops, has a good laugh about being caught and the subject changes.