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My girlfriend told me that she prefers big penis. Now I fear that I will not satisfy it | Life and style

I saw a woman that I met online for almost a year. Before us met face to face, we had a number of telephone calls, during which She became very sexual Very quickly. She asked me for the size of my penis (which is slightly above average). Then she told me that she loved big penis And that an ex-partner was 12 years oldIn (30 cm) long. It made me feel very unsure and I told him that. She said: “It’s just a preference.”

Since then, this problem has surfaced over and over again. I know it’s hard to believe, but we have not yet had penetrating sex. (At the start, I wanted to take things slowly. More, She is menopausic and did not feel sexual most of the time.) We have other kinds of sex and she says that I am the “best” In this regard. But Penetrating sex, In my opinion, is very important. She says I’m “Quite big” And that she is sure that I satisfy her – But the thought she “Prefers bigger” is devastating. She says she doesn’t understand why she mAde The original remark. She is sorryBut that doesn’t help. I feel that I should go away, but I have strong feelings for her.

It is very likely that this woman was telling the truth when she said that she did not know why she made the initial remark, but she probably came from her own insecurity. Trying to connect with someone new online or by phone can create a lot of anxiety, so some people present themselves as something they are not.

When a woman speaks of “preferring big penis”, it is generally – consciously or not – an attempt to gain power due to a feeling of weakness, so it would be wise for you to try to ignore it.

His words had the effect of repelling you, but try to have a soft and frank conversation. Hopefully you will come to the point of recognizing the insecurity of the other and resolving to work on mutual appeasement and acceptance.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist based in the United States specializing in the treatment of sexual disorders.

If you want Pamela advice on sexual issues, send us a brief description of your concerns in private.lives@theguardian.com (please do not send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses a problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

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