How this Mari-Femme team navigates migraine

Sarah McDaniel Dyer and her husband, Thomas, met on the day of the move during their first year of college in 2003. They were friends for a few years before Sarah started in the college student medical center with extreme pain: “I said to myself:” I have the impression that someone is trying to take out my eyes with a scoop of ice cream “. And they said:” Welcome to the migraine “.

The effects of her migraine attacks sometimes made Sarah Miss’s class – something everyone, including Thomas, did not know normal for her. She spoke to Thomas of her migraine attacks and her appointments with the doctor. So when Sarah and Thomas finally started to go out together, he was already aware of Sarah’s migraine.

From the first days of their relationship to today, as a couple married to a 2 -year -old girl, migraine was a constant presence in their lives. Over the years, Thomas has been a favorable and understanding partner for Sarah when migraine strikes – something it is grateful.

The couple sat for a conversation on the impact of migraine through the different stages of their relationship.

When they were friends, if Sarah did not hang out with Thomas, he sometimes thought she was ghosting him. It was actually that she couldn’t Spend time because of its migraine symptoms.

Sarah’s migraines begin With a head pressure, it gives him the impression of being deep underwater. While migraine continues, it becomes sensitive to light and sound. Sometimes she has nausea and vomiting. These migraine attacks usually last 6 to 24 hours.

While Thomas becomes familiar with Sarah and the effects of his migraine, he realized how the migraine can affect their time together, especially once they started to go out together.

How did migraine affect the first days of your relationship?

Sarah: There were certainly moments when we had plans and I would have a migraine, and it would be: “We have no plans now because I cannot go nowhere.” I remember that it would be the worst if we did something, then I would feel it, and then suddenly, we try to go home before it touches.

Thomas, as a person who did not feel migraine symptoms, how do you feel when the plans had to change?

Thomas: The result is that Sarah is not the first person I had a relationship with whom migraine had. My first girlfriend returning to high school also had it, so I already had a little training in terms of codes very quickly in guardian mode.

But they had very different requirements. With my first girlfriend, I had to be there with ice water and a toilet glove, cover my eyes and things like that. Sarah does not want this kind of treatment. So I think it may have been a problem where I probably tried to do too much when I started going out with Sarah.

Sarah: Well, you wanted to help, and I said to myself, “I want you to talk.”

Thomas: There is certainly a nurse mentality in which I was already prepared, and there is still a certain quantity. But above all what you need is to make sure that the environment has been reduced to an atmosphere similar to a cave as possible, and to keep the distractions weak.

How do you communicate to each other when Sarah feels an attack to come?

Thomas: It’s not like blowing a little trumpet – it would be a terrible idea – and I’m going, I have a migraine. It’s just that you will turn to me and I would say: “Could you give me tylenol?” And it’s a bit indication. I also received SMS from you.

Sarah: Yeah, because sometimes just hearing my own voice will hurt me. So, generally, when I am at that time, I will start sending him everything an SMS.

Since you go out with it now, the way you communicate on the migraine has developed over the years?

Thomas: I probably have fewer follow -up questions.

Sarah: Yeah.

Thomas: I think that before, when you said that you feel a headache coming or something like that, I said to myself: “How bad it is?” Do you need me to do this? Do you need me to do this? Do you need me to do this? ” And now when [you get a migraine attack]I realized that I fell into a process as automated as I do not even know that I manage. It’s just: “Oh, it’s happening, so I’m just doing this routine.”

Sarah: Yeah now, I have the impression that I just have to say: “Hey, I have the migraine to come.” And you are like, “OK, taking the baby. I’m going to leave.”

Having their daughter Penny changed things for Sarah and Thomas – both in terms of what is necessary when a migraine occurs and how often migraines occur. Sarah used to have a migraine several times a year. They have become more frequent from the baby – as often as two per month.

How did Penny changed things for both of you in the context of migraine?

Sarah: Before [we had Penny]If I had a migraine during the week, I could just have a day of illness, and it’s okay. And now we must both have a day of illness sometimes because I have to be invalid at home, and he will stay at home and look at it.

People with a chronic condition could have a certain sense of guilt. Sarah, have you experienced moments like that?

Sarah: Not of him, but the day of his birthday this year, I had a migraine, and I felt horrible to be: “Happy birthday, wake up and take the baby.” And he was completely cool; He didn’t hurt me at all. It was just that I felt bad that I felt like everything had spoiled everything.

Thomas, has someone with migraine have already been a challenge for you over the years?

Thomas: Obviously, I have a deeply assisted and budding resentment which increases from year to year until it ends up reaching the head.

Sarah and Thomas laugh at the two of this. They approach the situation with humor.

Thomas: We work very well together, but we also play a lot parallel. Near each other, we do not need each other to entertain or busy. And there are certainly enough other pieces so that I can run and hide if it needs a larger amount of space than it wants to be quieter. And I am probably both consciously and unconsciously adapted to this.

I am a person who [has] Hobbies in sound, music and things like that – the only way she could be worse [for migraine] It was if I also had a hobby in the stroboscopic lights. There are speakers in various rooms in the apartment, and I know how to make sure that everything is isolated from each other. I took this level of protection that even if it needs silent apartment areas, I don’t have to change my activities; I do it just in a different area.

Being aware of the noise level when you work with your sounds is a way Thomas helps during a migraine. There are other things he does to help. Because certain foods can trigger or worsen migraine, Thomas is ready to change meals if necessary. He picks up pain drugs in the store. He likes sunlight in the morning but uses an alarm clock that simulates a sunrise because the couple uses used curtains to prevent the real sun from getting started.

If not, how do you help Sarah during a migraine?

Thomas: It is simply a question of ensuring that all sound that could occur is limited, reducing the number of screens to the bare minimum, keeping things dark, giving you a facial mask when you need it.

Thomas, when Sarah has a migraine attack, how do you feel for her?

Thomas: I mean, I feel bad. All I can do is make your environment as comfortable as possible. It is not necessarily enough for me to feel like I do a good job, in that I cannot reach a kind of cool psychic hand in there and stop it. On a serious note, I know that this is not a problem that I can solve. And I feel bad that it is not a problem that I can solve. But this is a problem that I cannot solve for half my life now, so at some point, which is just withdrawing in a background whisper. I feel bad for you, and it is the most appropriate description.

Sarah, how did Thomas as a partner take advantage of you as a migraine?

Sarah: It’s great to know that I can take care of myself, and he can manage everything else and I don’t have to hold my hand every time and say to me: “No, take the baby, go do this with the baby.” He just takes over, and it’s great.

What advice would they be to other couples who have someone in the relationship with migraine?

Sarah: Communicate what you want at the different migraine stages, like what you know you can do or what you know you will need in advance, so you have this match plan before it happens. And then, just understand that you don’t have control in this situation. Sometimes you will really want to do one thing, and you just can’t. It sucks, it really fears.