How Rectal Cancer Brought This Married Couple Together

When Megan Scott was in her final year of college and working at a grocery store bakery, she relaxed at a nearby coffee shop where she met John Becker, the barista. They chatted from time to time until one day John commented on the book she was reading, witty enough to catch her attention.

Megan later learned that John’s family had created Joy of cooking-the first cookbook she ever owned. After befriending this coincidence, she asked him out. Their first date was a bar quiz, and the rest is history. They got married in 2012.

“It was glorious. They were solid days, that’s for sure,” John said, remembering all the time they spent camping, hiking and even mushroom picking during their early years together.

But in 2020, John was diagnosed with rectal cancer.

John and Megan sat down with Health to explain what that time in their lives was like and how the diagnosis and treatment affected their relationship.

You were diagnosed with cancer in 2020. What made you seek medical attention to find out what was wrong?

John: We had to return the manuscript for [Joy of Cooking] early 2019, and therefore [the time leading up to that] was just incredibly stressful. I worked full time on the book. I held myself to a very high standard, worrying about things I probably didn’t need or spending a lot of time with things I maybe shouldn’t have. I started having symptoms similar to hemorrhoids, and I thought it was stress related.

I ended up seeing my GP, but it took me a while. The doctor said, “I agree with you [that it’s probably hemorrhoids]’ and therefore did not order a colonoscopy.

A few months later, John’s mother was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer with metastases (cancer cells that have spread from the original site of the tumor) to the liver.

John: All of a sudden my symptoms became a little more interesting. My mother made me promise that I would have a colonoscopy as soon as possible.

Megane: Well, you had a date planned, but then COVID happened. And everything was locked down, and the appointment was canceled because they were canceling everything that was considered optional. But I remember kind of forcing the issue with you, like, “I think we should really make the case that you need to do this.” We cannot continue to wait and wait and wait. So finally, they postponed.

I arrived at the appointment thinking, “This can’t be cancer.” » Her mother was just diagnosed, so what were the chances?

Megane: I was not allowed to enter the office [due to COVID practices]so I waited in the car until he finished the colonoscopy. And they called me and said, “We found cancer.” They knew by looking at it that it was cancer, but said they needed to do more tests to confirm it. I don’t have many memories of that time because I was so shocked. I think we were both in shock.

He went out to the car and we drove home in silence. I had to take us home because I was the driver; I couldn’t cry in the car. But as soon as we walked through the door, I cried. I called my mother, then a few friends. I just needed to talk, to tell people what happened.

In the days that followed, John also underwent a computed tomography (CT) scan. A few days later, while the couple was walking in their neighborhood, they received a call from the doctor. Tests confirmed he had stage 4 rectal cancer that had spread to his liver.

Megan, after John’s diagnosis, what role did you feel you needed to take on? How did you support him through chemotherapy, radiotherapy and surgery?

Megane: I don’t know how others handle this kind of diagnosis. I was really upset and cried a lot. And then I think at some point I said, ‘OK, we need to lock this down and just get him the care he needs, and do the treatments, and not think about worst-case scenarios or catastrophize things.’ I just have to be a stable, strong person and help him get through this.

Megane: I would leave work and go there. I would take him to his treatment. I wasn’t allowed to go to the chemo floor with him, but I went to his appointments with the oncologist first. And then I would leave, go to work, come back when he finished chemo several hours later and pick him up. So I was at all of his appointments, but I couldn’t be in some of the spaces I really wanted to be in, like the chemo room.

And then when he had his first surgery, I literally had to drop him off at the hospital and I couldn’t get in. And it was just crazy. I couldn’t be present in most of the situations he found himself in, and that made the situation even scarier because I had no visibility into what was happening.

John: You were present. You weren’t complaining. You have been very supportive.

Both Megan and John had therapists to talk to. John began seeing a therapist before his diagnosis, as he struggled to cope with his mother’s cancer diagnosis. At this time, John relied on Megan for a lot of emotional support. This sparked an important conversation for the couple, during which Megan had to be honest and say, “I think you need more help than I can provide.”

Megan, how did you deal with John’s mood swings after surgery?

Megane: I think I was listening a lot, I was letting you talk. And when you had your galactic cerebral moments, you just had to tune in to that. And then try to reassure yourself when downtime arrives: “It won’t be like this forever, it will pass.” I just try to be stable and balanced. Even if that wasn’t how I felt inside.

John: It ended up being incredibly helpful for me to have someone to talk to besides Megan. It actually ended up making things a little easier for both of us. [when I was diagnosed with cancer].

Looking at your relationship before the diagnosis, what do you think has been the biggest change in your relationship from then to now?

John: It may be obvious, but I feel like it brought us closer.

Megane: Our relationship is obviously involved in that, but personally the biggest evolution that I had to go through was when your partner gets diagnosed with something like that, you kind of have to go through that process of grieving for the life or the future that you thought you had.

John, you have been in remission for several years. How was life after cancer?

John: It gets better the further away you go.

Meg: I feel like we have even more confidence in our relationship because if we can get through that, everything else starts to seem really insignificant and small.