Is it a lack of ways or a new trend?

Teenagers may seem to have their phones stuck to their hands – but they don’t answer it when they ring. This scenario, which is too familiar to many parents, may seem absurd and frustrating, or even alarming for some.

However, that says a lot about how 13 to 18 years of age now connect (or do not connect) with the others. If smartphones are always present in the daily life of adolescents, this does not mean that they use their devices in the same way as adults do.

This reluctance to “get the phone” is not only a generational trait: it signals a deeper transformation in communication practices, social standards and the digital label.

There is in fact much more in this mute approach of communication than the teenage cliché “inaccessible”. The social, emotional and emotional dynamics in play among this age group deserves to be deciphered.

Control the conversation

“I never answer calls unless it is my mother, or an emergency, like a surprise test at school, or a friend who panics about something,” said Léa, 15, laughing. Behind this apparently trivial comment is a deeper change than what meets. Telephones, considered for a long time, the vocal tools par excellence designed for live conversation, are now less and less used to make calls.

For adolescents, voice calls are no longer the default communication mode. Instead, they become the exception, used in very specific contexts, such as emergency situations, moments of distress or in the event of immediate comfort. In all other cases, SMS is the preferred option. Reason is not laziness: written communication – text messages, vocal notes or DMS on Snapchat and Instagram – establishes a completely different relationship with time, emotions and self -control.

Remove the phone means being available here and now without safety nets and without delay. For many teenagers, this immediacy is perceived as stressful, a loss of control. There is no time to think about what you mean. You could stammer, say too much or too little, express yourself badly or get caught up in.

Written communication, on the other hand, allows greater control, offering options such as drafting, deletion and rewriting, postponement and smoothing of things. It is easier to communicate effectively when you can first remain silent.

The desire for control over time, words and emotions is not only a teenage whim. It reflects a broader way to navigate social relationships through screens, in which each individual agrees the right to choose when, how and how to connect intensely.

In this context, phones become a flexible interface that connects and protects. This provides connections with possible evacuation routes.

“When I see” Papa Mobile “appear on my screen, I will let it ring. I do not have the energy to answer a dam of questions. I just prefer to send him an SMS after hanging up,” explains Mehdi, 16.

This type of reaction does not necessarily imply rejection or indifference. It is more about the need for space, to postpone the exchange, to manage it according to its own emotional resources in the moment.

Ironically, phones have become tools to avoid talking. Or more specifically, tools to decide when and how to let the voice enter – all in the name of balance in relationships.

The right to remain silent

Not to pick up is no longer judged to be rude and has become a choice: a deliberate way to set limits in a hyperconnected world where everyone should be accessible – at any time, and through all kinds of canals.

For many adolescents, not responding, immediately or not at all, is part of a deliberate strategy to disconnect, which is considered a right which is worth defending.

“Sometimes I leave my phone on the express silent mode. In this way, I can have peace,” said Elsa, 17.

This strategy testifies to a desire to regain control of your time and attention. When previous generations may have seen the phone as a connection and proximity promise, today adolescents sometimes make it a pressure source.

In this new way of managing its availability, silence is a form of communication in itself. It does not necessarily point out the rejection: it seems rather an implicit standard where availability is no longer supposed. It must be requested, negotiated and built.

As Lucas, 16, explains, “my friends know that I will not answer right away. They first send a snapshot, like:” Are you for a call? “Otherwise, forget it.”

This ritual highlights a change in attitude. Calling someone unexpectedly can look like a violation of the digital label. On the other hand, while waiting for the right time and recording you before calling, it turns out that signs of respect.

This means that the phone is no longer just a communication tool. It becomes a space for the establishment of relationships where silence, far from being a void, is considered a necessary puff of fresh air, a break in the flow and a right to intimacy.

Politeness 2.0: time for an update

“Are vocal calls considered to be rude now?” A father wonders. For many adults, the lack of a voice response is considered an affront and a violation of basic communication rules. From the point of view of a teenager, however, not to pick up does not mean rejection; It highlights the emergence of new codes of conduct.

These codes redefine the contours of what could be called “digital politeness”. When a telephone call was once considered a gesture of care, it can now be perceived as intrusive. Meanwhile, responding via the message offers a structure, time to think and a clearer chance of expression, as well as the option of postponing or bypassing without causing an open conflict.

It is not that adolescents lack empathy. They simply express it differently, more subtle and asynchronously. With peers, they share tacit rituals, such as SMS before calling, sending emojis to articulate mood or availability, and implicit rules on the right time to speak. What some adults interpret as a coldness or a distance is, in fact, another form of attention.

As long as we are ready to accept these new perspectives and to discuss it without judgment, it is possible to see this transformation not in terms of depression of social ties, but as a subtle reinvention of the ways in which we have linked to each other.

Reinvent connections

Rather than considering this silence on the phone as a communication crisis, we should perhaps see it as an opportunity to reinvent the way we are talking about. Tensions can be defused and a more calm form of communication can be built with adolescents, if adults recognize that the rules have changed and that it does not matter.

It could start with a simple and honest conversation on preferences. Some teenagers prefer texts for practical information, voice messages to share emotions (to say, for example, you think about it) and a call only in emergency situations. Putting these preferences and habits in words and agreeing on them is already a way to connect and strengthen confidence.

Before calling, we may want to send a quick message by asking if the person is free to speak, moving away from the logic of command and control and in that of shared availability.

It is just as important to learn to adopt silence. Do not respond immediately (or not at all) is not necessarily a sign of rejection or disinterest. Sometimes it’s just a way to breathe, refocus and protect your mental space. It is a form of self -respect.

Finally, it is also worth thinking about our own habits: and if we, as adults, have explored new ways to show that we care – ways that do not necessarily involve a telephone call? An emoji, a short or delayed photo or message can be just as significant. Attention should not always come in the form of a ringtone.

Filling the generation gap does not mean going back to the sheet phones, but rather to learn to understand the codes, desires and routines of each. After all, what adolescents ask us is not to communicate less, but to communicate better.

This article is republished from the conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.