My 83-year-The mom recently admitted to me that she had never had orgasm. My father has a terminal disease and, realistically, will not be with us much longer. My mom is therefore slowly and, with difficulties, contemplating a life without her partner as Over 50 years. I want to help him appreciate that a life without my father can always be fulfilling, and I wonder if part of this could be to discover the auto-Plaisir. Is it possible at his age? And, if so, could it be more traumatic Discover that she lived so long without knowing the feeling of orgasm or sharing it with her partner? This is just as important, it is a conversation That an adult child should have with his mother, and how should I go?
I know that many people will feel uncomfortable about it, but I think it’s great that your mother is able to tell you about these problems. She may also want to give you a certain wisdom, perhaps on the importance of the pleasure of women. And it’s interesting that she told you about and not her friends. Did she ask for real help? How was it formulated?
Your mother also has a condition that you asked me not to mention, and the drug for this can lead to a reduction in desire or increased sexuality, so it is also something to consider. It may be the latter, since the conversation occurs now. Many things happen in your life, especially the prospect of deep sorrow, and I am really sorry for your father’s illness.
It is never too late to discover the joys of self -pleasure. I went to see the psychologist of counseling and psychosexual and relational therapist Jo Coker, who is also director of the therapy and training standards at the Cosrt, the College of Sexual and Relationsur Therapists. She pointed out that it is not too late for your mom to have psychosexual and relational therapy, now or on a later date. “Your parents’ marriage was long, and I expect your mother to have kept the hope that an orgasm would eventually arrive.
“The good news is that of course, it can be helped at 83 to 10% of people over 90 are still sexually active. If she goes to specialized therapy, the first thing would be to take a complete story of her sex life and her sex life. Is there something that could prevent him from being able to be orgasm? ”
There will also be questions regarding her understanding of sex, explains Coker. “Your mom’s generation women may not know that clitoral stimulation is often necessary for orgasm and that there are several ways to achieve it.”
After promoting the newsletter
If your mom wants to explore sex toys, Coker recommends taking into account “age -related factors such as all physical problems”.
The best way to approach this subject is to refer to the conversation she had with you for not having had orgasm, and to explain that there are other ways beyond penetrating sex with another person. I guess you will not want to show him this answer, but it might be useful. Going to see a therapist can be a huge step – maybe too far – for your mom, but it can also help her with the preventive sorrow she feels.
If we delete the idea of a kind of shame about sex, what we have left is a conversation about pleasure. Yes, few mothers and girls discuss it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t.
Each week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent by a reader. If you want Annasaa advice, please send your problem to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Analisa regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to Our terms and conditions. Annasa’s latest series of the podcast is available here.
