Endometriosis dating – Egg freezing, fatigue and unsexy topics

It was only their third date when Sophie and her new love Dillon visited a fertility clinic.

The two previously discussed intimacy related to chronic illness, egg freezing and other “unsexy topics.”

For Sophie Richards, 29, those early conversations were just part of the daunting prospect of finding love when you have endometriosis, which can cause infertility.

This condition means that cells similar to those in the lining of the uterus (uterus) grow in other parts of the body, which can lead to symptoms such as menstrual pain, fatigue, and pain in the lower abdomen and back.

When Sophie first met her now fiancé, Welsh rugby international Dillon Lewis, she felt she had to be frank.

At the time, she was freezing her eggs – a process she began due to potential fertility issues due to her endometriosis.

“It can be very difficult, especially with endometriosis or anything chronic, or infertility issues that I’ve struggled with,” Sophie said.

“How can you tell someone new about it and hope it doesn’t scare them away?”

Although she felt uncomfortable, she brought up the issue shortly after the meeting.

“I had to explain… injections and surgeries and all that, very unsexy topics to talk about,” she added.

Endometriosis is a gynecological condition associated with menstruation in which tissue, similar to the lining of the uterus, is found in other areas of the body such as the ovaries, fallopian tubes, pelvis, intestine, vagina and intestines.

Symptoms may include pelvic pain, heavy periods, pain during or after sex and are associated with infertility.

It affects around one in 10 women in Wales.

There is currently no cure for this condition, but there are treatments to help relieve symptoms, including surgery to cut tissue or remove part of the organs affected by endometriosis.

Sophie credits her fiancé Dillon for her support and desire to learn more about the disease.

“I had many hours of training with Sophie over a G&T, because Sophie was very open about it,” he said.

“It made learning a lot easier, but she didn’t mind the stupid questions either.”

The Newport-based Dragons prop, 29, who has 57 caps for Wales, said asking questions and being open was key to offering the support of a partner.

“Just try to help in any way you can, as I always say ‘Is there anything I can do’ with the answer 99% of the time being no, but at least I like to ask… and get a hot water bottle every now and then,” he added.

Sophie, now a women’s health advocate and podcaster, said it was vital to be surrounded by someone who supported her, no matter the challenges.

“I really don’t think I could be with someone who doesn’t want to understand endometriosis, because ultimately I’ll live with it forever. It’s chronic,” she added.

She wants more women to feel confident talking about the impact endometriosis can have on sex and intimacy, although she recognizes how intimidating it can be.

“Now I’m an open book…six years ago I couldn’t even say the words period without blushing,” she added.

Natalie Jones, from Cardiff, suffers from endometriosis and adenomyosis and is currently awaiting her fourth operation.

The 35-year-old, who was diagnosed in 2018, recently started dating again after a period of poor health.

The doctoral student describes herself as a “naturally spontaneous person” but says she’s often so exhausted that she worries that canceling appointments could give the false impression that she’s unreliable or worse, uninterested.

“If you’re sometimes exhausted and have to cancel plans, especially in a new relationship, it can make it seem like you’re putting someone off, like you’re unreliable, or like you’re bothering someone,” she added.

The university researcher said it can be particularly complicated when it comes to sex, with the added worry of heavy bleeding or pain.

“You don’t want to create expectations that intimacy is going to happen by having this discussion too soon, but if one thing leads to another, when do you talk about it, do you stop halfway and say ‘oh, by the way,'” she said.

The avid traveler and gym-goer said that while it can be difficult to see her friends starting to settle in, she doesn’t let it affect her.

“It’s something I can’t control, but it doesn’t take away from who I am and so if I’m dating someone or talking with someone who’s not ready to learn or understand… then they’re probably not the right person anyway,” she added.

Pauline-Clare Callaghan, a physiotherapist specializing in pelvic health, said that although progress has been made in recent years when it comes to open discussions about menstrual health and the menopause, there is still more to be done, particularly when it comes to sexual pain linked to endometriosis.

The medical professional, who has a particular interest in endometriosis, said that sexual pain associated with the condition can be complicated and may be related to the location of scar tissue, adhesions and fibrosis, or hyperactivity, tension or inflammation of the pelvic floor muscles.

“There are effective conservative treatments, including pelvic physiotherapy, but there is a care gap, many barriers to treating endometriosis-related sexual pain, including lack of awareness/understanding of available support, shame, embarrassment, cultural issues and problems accessing care,” she said.

Faye Farthing from Endometriosis UK said the condition can have a “huge impact” on people’s sex lives and relationships.

“Sex can be a difficult topic to discuss with partners, especially if you’re new to a relationship, which is why it’s vital that societal conversations continue around sex and endometriosis to break the stigma,” she said.