Can I give you some advice?

I“I will tell you not to read this article, but you would probably ignore me and simply decide for yourself. Even if I have listed well -founded reasons to dissuade you – should you not really do anything else? Are you not driving right now? – You are likely to ignore it and move forward.

You wouldn’t be alone. It turns out that most of us tend to blow even good advice and decide most of the questions for ourselves.

These results come from a new radical study led by the psychologist of the University of Waterloo, Igor Grossmann, who suggests that our instinct politely agrees to the advice that we hear and that we are pursuing our own judgment is not only a personal quirk. This is something we are all doing.

Implying more than 3,500 adults in a dozen countries, the research that Grossmann and his collaborators have conducted show that when people – major cities technologically advanced to humble Amazonian villages – difficult decisions, they are much more likely to rely on their own intuition or reasoning than to take advice from their friends, family or experts. Even in interdependent cultures that the harmony of the price group, autonomy has proven more sustainable than the advice of others. For better or for worse, it is our own advice that we have the most confidence.

The majority preferred to assume the burden itself.

“Realize that most of us instinctively ‘` `go alone’ ‘, which explains why we often ignore good advice, whether for health advice or financial planning, despite growing evidence that these advice can help us make wise decisions,” Grossman told me by email.

To examine this, Grossmann and an international team of collaborators have set up a simple experimental questionnaire asking participants to consider delicate dilems. A team of anthropologists, linguists and psychologists helped adjust the questions so that they are relevant to the society where they were asked. For example, when participants put agricultural lifestyles, they were asked how they would invest a windfall, buying an orchard or a herd of cattle. Other more urban socio-economic groups were asked how they would decide what university attending or where they would choose as a travel destination.

The researchers also surveyed decisions that would involve making choices that could disadvantage the one who made the choice – whether to help a neighbor with his farm before the rainy season, which could endanger your own harvest in danger, or if you help an academic friend in difficulty during your own study time. Respondents were also male and female and were aged 20 to 40 with educational levels ranging from primary school to graduate diplomas.

Participants were then asked the four strategies they would use to make their decisions. Will they deliberate in private? Follow intuition? Are you looking for advice to friends or family? Do you turn to the wisdom of their biggest group by, say, throwing the question on social networks? By giving the subjects a menu of possible strategies, the researchers could see what approaches seemed the most natural. Participants were also invited to assess how good they felt good at their own selections.

What emerged was a striking consistency. In all cultures, ages and social history, autonomous strategies – dilibent alone or trust intuition – have made the list. The search for advice came in a distant second. In fact, only about one in 10 participants reported that the consultation of others would be their primary Approach to manage a difficult decision. The majority preferred to assume the burden itself – and they felt good to start.

We expect others to make their choices differently from us.

There have been slight divergences with regard to the type of dilemma considered, said Grossmann.

“People were more likely to reduce the perspectives of others with regard to decisions involving social dilemmas – which allows a friend or to protect his own interests – compared to a choice between just as attractive options, for example, to which the University goes,” he wrote to me. “But even in the latter case, people have always favored autonomous decision -making strategies.”

And while preference for autonomy has remained general in all cultures, Grossmann told me that the strength of this preference depends on where we come. The culture “controls the volume button, making up this inner voice in very independent societies and somewhat softening it in more interdependent societies”, he wrote.

Tips for you, but not for me

What is ironic is that we expect others to make their choices differently from us. When the respondents were invited to guess what the other people in their company would do when they would do test dilemmas, they expected other people to follow the advice of a friend as often as they expect them to deliberate in loneliness. In other words, our own thought is important WeBut other people may need a little more advice – go forward for you, but not for me.

According to the neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky, who was not involved in the study, this type of self -centeredness concerning our own thought is at the heart of the reason why autonomy is more logical for us in our decision -making.

“When you compare the conclusions that you reach by yourself compared to those offered by experts, you know what your internal process was to make this decision and can never know theirs,” he told me. As Sapolsky pointed out to me, the heat of the moment is when we are most likely to fail self-employment. “This is another manifestation of the tendency to make a bad decision during stress,” he said.

This indicates an interesting problem: the moments when the advice could help us the most – whether it is our money, our career, or perhaps the emergence of a public health emergency once in a generation – seems to be the one where we are the least likely to take it.

“What we see is that in the context of difficult decisions, people prefer to deliberate how To decide on the choices by themselves, even if it goes against what others can recommend them, “said Grossmann.” And it is indeed problematic, because the psychological distance, as stimulated by considering the views of the others, can be a very excellent way to see the overview of the problems at hand, in particular in the heat of the moment. »»

So, is there really a point by offering advice? Grossmann says yes. But his study proposes that we must think hard at how the advice is supervised and delivered. “Now, here are other things that you can consider according to what others thought about it too … Something like that, maybe?”

But good. If, against my first advice, you have read so far, well done. Sometimes keeping your own advice is really the best.

Main image: Anton Vietin / Shutterstock

• Charles Diges

  Published on September 12, 2025

  Charles Diges is an environmental journalist who publishes the website of the Norwegian environmental group Bellona.