People are often surprised to learn that Brian Phillips, like to spend time with celebrities in glamorous situations and environments. “But Brian,” they exclaim, their eyes widened on the straws of their Frappuccinos, “you are a serious writer! How can you waste your time with all this waste?”
My answer is always the same. “Look, I said with a little smile,” if Thomas Mann could write Doctor Faustus In the Pacific palisades without even having a sun, there is no reason why I can’t … Something something.“I somehow whisper the last part in my drink. It’s something I picked up at Kirsten Dunst.
Example: last night, I went to a projection of the new X-Files Series in London, an exclusive Hollywood hotel. Glen Morgan was there. Glen Morgan is a little guy whom I like to call “a producer of X-FilesA television series which was broadcast on Fox between 1993 and 2002, with David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. In fact, it is not small at all. There are a lot of different sizes of people in the world, and this type is one of the most normal.
Thereafter, there were cocktails.
Say what you want about Hollywood, but it was a fascinating experience. My serious writer’s brain was fully committed to learning things like the meaning of America and also what is happening with Mulder and Scully these days. In the most important and deepest sense, I know both now. I would like to share this knowledge with you. However, I can’t. Because of the spoilers. Since George RR Martin let me slip with confidence that Tyrion Assassin Daenerys at the end of the last book, I was terrified to accidentally reveal a major spoiler on the Internet. In addition, Professor Flack who welcomed me in the screening room explained that she “fuck [me]”If I” breathe[d] A word on all this, you [extremely handsome man]. “”
As I said, I love spending time with celebrities.
What me can tell you what is doesn’t arrive in the new X-Files. So many things do not happen! And each new non-development is more shocking than the previous one. Without further ado, here is a most exciting ventilation X-Files Developments of the intrigue which will not exist and will never exist.
♦ At
Rommel Dessano / Wireimage David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson in New York in October 2013.
1 and 1 Mulder does not ask for another caipirinha and then says: “Heh. I like this word. Caipirinha. “”
2 The smoked man with cigarettes never sits grumpily in bed while slamming: “Jesus, Velazquez, when is it not Is it time to remove recycling? abroad lying there next to him.
3 and 3 Scully does not order certain trays on the internet.
4 At the end of a dark alley, where the light of a single tram shines along the smooth rain sidewalk, Scully does not find a pop-up Taqueria where this guy Jonathan makes churros.
5 I could tell you that this series explores the policy of mulch production, but I would lie, because it is still another thing that does not happen.
6. Mulder does not look through the Window of the American and whispered Capitol building: “Monsters, huh. I don’t think I get it. “
7 Do you know who else doesn’t do that? Anyone.
8 Mulder simply never has a trip to Africa on the grounds that “hippopotams feel Like an X file.
9. He does not transpire at any time that the deputy director of the FBI, Walter Skinner, joins Kickstarter to request funding for his “elegantly linked Romanization” of Infocom Phobos leather goddesses.
10 The word “copyleft” – which is not done much.
11 Jonathan, who does not make Churros, does not tell Scully that “it is about cinnamon” then breathless, “I said too much”, then I kicked out in my head by a sniper from Venus.
12 Mulder and Scully do not trip then on a mysterious white white building in the middle of a cinnamon field where the workers with Virgin in white danger suits seem to treat cinnamon, but also seem a bit that they do something else.
13 The deep throat does not come back from the dead and shouted: “Surprise, friends!” It’s me, deep throat! “
14 One day there is one day, throughout the chronology of the new series, when the members of the conspiracy openly confuse that they would make a team of Merdique Water-Polo.
15 Maybe you have read speculation in online forums that Scully’s apartment seems a little light on the sets. I don’t know what to tell you; She does not buy new ones.
16 The camera does not slowly zoom in on the mutant of cancer, Leonard Betts, while he takes a long lush boost from the ice cream of a friend, then continues to zoom, more and more, more and more in his crazy and dead eyes, while he whispers, “it has a disgusting taste.”
17 “It is true: I said that ice cream has a coarse taste compared to cancer,” does not add Betts. “Rest on your mouth thatIce Cream Twitter.
18 Mulder does not launch football through a tire swing with extreme idle while a gravelly male voice -up voice and without frills break down its mechanics.
19. I do not want to become too precise on how the Java courses of Scully take place, but it is enough to say that she does not take it.
20 Scully’s daughter Emily died in season 5. In the new series, Emily is not going to the ball, she does not comically juggle two dates, and her two dates are not tender gentlemen twins represented by Kelsey Grammer.
21 “Ovo to screw,” does not say the man of smoking on a speed boat. Then him Really Do not sweep his fingers in her hair and cry: “I have leonine braids!”
22 Scully does not send sms to his friend Allison that the smoked man with cigarettes is “a kind of Buckboy TBQH”.
23 Very well, let’s talk about vaping. I shouldn’t, but I know you have any questions. I am not saying that Smezznor, the extraterrestrial suzerain of the Milky Way created when the genes of Samantha Mulder were spranged in Alex Krycek, not vape. I am To say that Smezznor The steam galaxy-kiss compulsively is a stupid idea and that it does not exist.
24 The Cinnamon-Conspiracy trail does not lead Mulder and Scully to a mosque bombarded in Tangier, where Mulder does not take a break in the survey to rap all the verses of the “Big Sean dance (a $$)”.
25 So many fans of the series wonder what has become beloved X-Files Mailier Peggy Little, secretary who has long suffered from Skinner. I’m kidding. In fact, no one wonders, because there is not such a character.
26 “Have you seen this, Mulder?” Scully does not whisper while pressing Play on the latest YouTube video on a funny octopus. “This octopus is scary Me.”
27 If Scully dates a muppet – I say if here – and if This Muppet is Dr. Teeth, their third meeting is not at the Aikido international championships.
28 Alfred Hitchcock does not direct any episode (Alfred Hitchcock is dead).
29 Person, including Luther Lee Boggs, the serial killer who terrorized Scully in the classic episode “Beyond the Sea”, gives Scully some platforms as a gift.
30 Mulder’s reading club does not read The time of time traveler – Or if this is the case, Mulder does not finish the novel.
31 Did you know that Grantland has trainees? We do it, and they do a fantastic job. Hi guys! Just not fantastic for one of them to appear X-Files.
32. Likewise, your own mother does not represent the former special agent of the FBI Dana Scully, the co-protagonist of the series. Unless your mom is Gillian Anderson … in this case, to give nothing, but you could You want to connect for the first.
33. “Uber, but for extraterrestrial invasions”, does not tweet Mulder, biting his own fist in embarrassment.
34. Literally, zero intrigue intrigues involve a quest to find a new tourist bus for Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks.
35. The following exchange does not at all place: at all:
Mulder: Here we are in Las Vegas, Scully.
Scully: Hahaha looks a bit like Vancouver?
Mulder: No, Scully, here is Las Vegas, Nevada, where we stayed to resolve an X file.
Scully: I just say: is he supposed to have, like imposing pines in Las Vegas?
Mulder: Scully!
Scully: It’s just that I generally do not think of “Majesty Forest Hushed when I think of Vegas.
Mulder: Why do you always ruin it, Scully.
36 Mulder never presents himself as “Fox Mulder, an inveterate interpreter of beings and their ways”.
37. Seventeen minutes of the third episode of the new series are not devoted to the static images of the Target plateau alley.
38. The well-maintained man does not present his two new conspiracy friends, orders for costly basketball sneakers on Ebay Man and Josh who is still in Normcore.
39. Nobody swimming 1,100 miles in freezing water just to hit a whale. This is not what it is.
40 The following exchange does not take place either:
Scully: Well, Mulder, it is not necessary to a semantist to see that the basic tension in progressive online discourse is that his commitment to the sacred character of the individual personality implies putting an ever increasing stress on all the ways in which holiness can be raped … The problem is that we live in a moment when a feeling of increased weakness of the individual threatens to produce an important feeling of the essential weakness.
Mulder: I hate being in disagreement with you, Scully, but the problem is the magic tarantula.
41. Mulder does not conclude a long reading of his memories saying: “And that my friends, that was how I first connected to the Remodelista.”
42. Mulder and Scully do not interrupt sex in order to High-Five after one of them dropped a joke “uh-oh, now the truth is there”.
43. Mulder and Scully do not spend three hours explaining if “Balerion The Black Dread” is a big name for a dragon, a super cliché name for a dragon, or strangely in a way.
44. The revival corpse of the deep throat does not say: “Friends, I have a desire for one thing and only one thing, and this thing is crunch editors.”
45. In Antarctica, where they finally discovered the secret military installation where the fueled cinnamon of the genome is harvested – a cinnamon which cannot be manipulated for more than a few seconds without causing death to unattached humans or “pre -transcendent Scully would pick up new plateaus but, hairstyles, it looks like someone forgot.
46. Mulder does not audition and does not win the role of Ms. Fairfax in a community theater adaptation of Jane Eyre.
47. “It was a throbbing night on Phobos, and the fucktrees were moving in the light of the stars”, is the way in which the Kickstarter novel by Walter Skinner does not start.
48. Samantha Mulder does not come back from a longer trip than expected to the store and said: “Wait, you thought I What? “”
49. “I change the name in zone 52”, the first elder refuses to proclaim, adding: “It is time to put this extraterrestrial action of a notch.”
50 The conspiracy does not start to make sense.
