“Atopic dermatitis can often affect self-image and self-confidence, to the point that you might feel uncomfortable talking about it with others,” says Jessica Hui, MD, an allergist and immunologist at National Jewish Health in Denver. “So starting a relationship or being in the early stages of a relationship can be difficult because you may not know how a partner is going to react.”
That’s why having a plan can be helpful, she adds. Thinking about what you are going to say in advance, and even doing a little practice, can be helpful in connecting with a partner about your condition and getting the support and encouragement you need.
Here are five tips.
1. Keep the initial discussion simple
If you think your partner hasn’t heard of eczema before, it’s best to lay out some general facts first, says Dr. Hui.
“Talk about the basics of eczema and emphasize that they can’t get it from you,” she suggests. “You don’t want to overload someone with information, but it’s important to raise the issue early on. The longer you wait to talk about it, the more difficult it will likely be.”
2. Test it out with your friends and family
Difficult conversations tend to be easier if you have time to plan what you’re going to say, says Hui. For this reason, she suggests practicing first with friends and family, who already know about the disease.
It may seem stilted or awkward, she says, but it can help you narrow down what you’re going to talk about and also understand key points, such as what happens during flare-ups, how they affect you, and whether they can affect intimacy.
3. Talk about the emotional consequences of eczema
“This type of condition can have a variety of mental health impacts on intimacy,” says Lisa Valle, DO, gynecologist and medical director of Oasis Women’s Sexual Function Center in Santa Monica, California. “If there is a flare-up of symptoms, this can contribute to anxiety and distress. You may also have body image issues that affect self-confidence, and all of this can affect your connection with your partner.”
Talking about your feelings can be awkward for many people, but it’s the key to intimacy, both physical and emotional, Dr. Valle says.
4. Ask questions and be open to answers
For this reason, consider pausing when speaking to see if your partner has any comments or questions about what you have said so far. Be prepared to take the conversation in a different direction if that’s where it needs to go.
Effective listening in this way can reduce defensiveness and bridge divisions, even when there is disagreement. This makes conversations more constructive, which generates feelings of well-being and closeness.
Also keep in mind that even if there are no questions initially, they might come up later, says Hui. For example, your partner can research the topic and suggest insightful questions for your next conversation.
“Keeping the lines of communication open is very important, and you should both be comfortable sharing how you feel,” she says.
5. Consider what you need
In addition to discussing the illness and how it affects your daily life, it’s also helpful to communicate the type of support you need, suggests Valle. For example, you may want to spend more time alone during a flare-up, or you may not want it. Perhaps you would appreciate it if your partner came to your appointments with your healthcare professional. Or you may want more physical affection because it will make you feel more appreciated.
“Expressing your needs, whatever they may be, is a very important form of intimacy for any relationship,” says Valle.
Talking about your eczema with a partner may not be easy, especially if you’re feeling nervous or embarrassed, but planning what you’ll say and listening to your partner’s questions can go a long way toward building a stronger bond.
Takeaways
- When you have eczema, you might feel nervous about talking about the condition with a romantic partner.
- Planning what to say in advance, keeping the initial information simple, and practicing with friends and family can be good first steps.
- As conversations on the topic evolve, it’s helpful to practice active listening and communicate what you need to feel supported.
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